I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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