i will never coherently bang her
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
