I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
