is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
