dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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