i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
