I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
