do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
