my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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