my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
