Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
