Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
