dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
