Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
