But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
