i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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