dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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