this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
