I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
