What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
