Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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