doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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