This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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