Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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