so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
