I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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