apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
