How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
