i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
