Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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