Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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