Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do herpes really smell.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize