Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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