i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
