Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
