i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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