come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
