Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
