Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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