it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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