I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
