I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we're so committed to being not committed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
