ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
