I got her a Nickelback box set.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
