im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
