waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
not ubering you a puppy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
