Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
