You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
