..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
