who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
